Group
by RachelDalloway
Summary: A little parody about how a group therapy session between Jack, Rose, Cal and Ruth might go. Completed. R/R, please!


AN: This is an idea that came to me while watching a very badly done video about dysfunctional families and group therapy in my Psychology lecture. I know that Freudian psychoanalysis was the big thing in psychology in 1912, but I don't think I'm enough of an expert to have it be a big part of the story.

Erik Smith surveyed the group from the doorway. He had been leading group and family therapy sessions for over ten years, and he thought he had seen and heard everything. His eyes wandered from the red-haired older woman—who did not look pleasant—to the red-haired younger woman—he guessed they were mother and daughter or at least in some way related—to the blonde haired man on the young woman's right. They were holding hands, and both of them looked tense. There was a dark haired man next to the blonde man. His arms were crossed, and he did not look happy.

"Well, hello everyone," Erik said brightly, taking his seat at the center of the circle. He was disappointed when only the blonde man returned his greeting.

"So, let's get started. Why don't you all introduce yourselves, maybe say a few things about yourself, you know, to get the conversation started."

No-one spoke.

Erik's heart sank. This was going to be a tough session.

"Okay, why don't you start?" he suggested, pointing at Jack.

Jack gave him a pained look. Erik's eyes pleaded with him to help.

"I shouldn't have said hello back," Jack murmured to himself. "Um, well my name is Jack Dawson and I'm married to," he gestured toward Rose, who smiled, "her."

"Can you tell us anything else? What brings you here, perhaps? Is it problems in your marriage?"

"No! My marriage is fine. It's great, actually. I really love my wife. That's not the problem."

"Okay. Why are you here then?"

"It's a long story."

"Elaborate."

"Hey," Jack exclaimed. "Why am I the only one who has to talk?"

"Because you're naturally so good at following directions," Cal said.

"There will be no personal attacks in the Circle," Erik said. "The Circle is a safe place for everyone. Now, why don't _you_ share a little?"

Cal made a face. "I don't want to."

"Everyone has to share," Erik said firmly. "Everyone is equal here. No-one gets special privileges."

Jack laughed. "You might as well give up on him now then."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Cal asked angrily.

"I think you know what it means!"

Erik could see the two of them were on the verge of a real fight.

"Calm down," he said, hoping to lead the session in the right direction. "Look, just tell us your name, okay?"

"Fine," Cal snapped. "My name is Caledon Hockley."

"What brings you here?"

"A court order."

"Care to elaborate a little?"

Cal's nostrils flared. "I attempted," he said, pointing at Jack, "to kill him. I failed unfortunately."

Erik's head began to hurt. "You tried to kill him?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"But—but why?"

"He deserved it."

"That's real mature," Jack said.

"Uh…" Erik fumbled for a word. "Why don't you say something?" He pointed at Rose.

"Okay. My name is Rose Dawson. As you know, I'm married to him," she tilted her head toward Jack, "Um, well, I'm here also because of a court order."

"What happened?" Erik asked, afraid to hear her answer.

"It makes me sound so much worse than I really am," Rose said. "Basically what happened was this: I chased him," she pointed at Cal, "with a large axe, some people saw it, and now here I am."

Erik's headache intensified.

"_Why_ would you _do that_?"

"He was going after my husband," she answered, matter-of factly.

"Couldn't he have defended himself?"

"Well, yes, I'm sure he could have." Rose looked at Jack and smiled. He smiled back. They started gazing into each other's eyes.

Ruth pursued her lips in annoyance.

Cal looked disgusted.

"Please continue," Erik said loudly.

"What?" Rose looked around, confused.

"Please, continue your story." Erik's tone was once again calm.

"Oh, okay. Well, like I was saying, he"

"Cal."

"Yes, Cal. He was going after Jack"

"Him." Erik pointed at Jack. Jack waved.

"Exactly—and that's when I ran at him with the axe."

"Why didn't you call the police?"

Rose looked at him as though he were crazy. "What good would that have done? They would have believed anything he said."

"I'm sure that isn't true."

Cal couldn't suppress a smile. "It is true, actually."

"What are you saying?" Erik asked, dumbfounded.

"He's saying he's a bribing bastard," Jack said.

Erik looked at Cal. Cal shrugged. "I do what's necessary."

"Wrong, you mean?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"Right and wrong are concepts only people like you need to be concerned with," Cal said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know exactly what it means!"

Both Jack and Cal jumped up from their chairs.

"Settle down!" Erik cried, standing up too. "Everyone sit down. No more of this fighting."

"He started it," Cal said petulantly.

"Yeah, _I _started it. _I'm_ the one who organized the fake robbery. _I'm _the one who went on a shooting spree. _I'm_ the one who couldn't handle it when Rose left me. Oh wait, she didn't leave _me._ She _married_ me. She left _you._"

Cal could only sputter incoherently. "Kill" was the only word any of them could make out.

"Both of you just stop talking to the other, okay?" Erik ordered. "Now, you," he pointed to Ruth. "You haven't said anything this whole time."

Ruth sighed heavily. "My name is Ruth Dewit-Bukator. I am her mother." She pointed at Rose. "I hate him." She pointed at Jack. Jack waved. She scowled. "I wanted his money." She pointed at Cal.

"How were you going to get his money?" Erik asked.

"My daughter was going to marry him."

"Is that true?" He looked at Rose.

"Yes, it is," Rose said.

"Why didn't you marry him?"

"Because _I_ hate _him_," she pointed at Cal, "as much as _she_ hates _him_." She pointed at Jack.

"Why did you agree to marry him then?"

"I didn't exactly have a choice in the matter."

"So you didn't really want to marry him?" Erik was getting confused.

"Not at all. At one point I attempted to kill myself to get out of it."

"You did?" Erik was startled.

"Yes, and that's actually when I met Jack."

"_That's_ what you were doing!" Cal and Ruth both exclaimed.

Rose looked slightly guilty. "Yes."

Ruth dropped her head into her hands. "Oh, dear God, why?" she wailed. "What is wrong with her?"

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Rose cried furiously.

"You chose him over me. I'd say that means there's something wrong with you," Cal said.

"Alright, let's go!" Jack yelled, jumping out of his chair.

"Fine!"

Erik's headache had mushroomed into a migraine. He wasn't sure how much more he could take.

"What if I agree to sign everyone's form?" he asked wearily. "We could all go then. You two could kill each other all you want—and she could help and her mother could stare at and judge you all just like she's doing now, okay?"

The four of them were silent for a moment.

"But the hour isn't up," they said in unison.

Erik began to cry.


End file.
